I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque

For those of you who don't remember, Bugs would occasionally pop up in the wrong place and say it was due to his taking the wrong left turn.

There is some of that feeling arising in me this week.

Recent discussions have pointed to the need for me to re-examine some core ideas I have been thinking, saying and believing around all this.

While The Shift is The Shift, I see now there are many ideas and such that I had not done all my work on. Not fully investigated thought about or delved into deeply enough.
Sharon's posts have been immeasurably helpful in clearing out the weeds in my head.

I will say that clearing the weeds is easier, faster than before. The Shift does help there.

The Missing Conversation

Watching Devil's Advocate again last night reminded me of an insight i had into the Whole God-Satan thing.
Accepted mythology is that Lucifer, the Best Angel, rebelled against God - started a holy war and was cast out of heaven (by Jesus if you read Paradise Lost) and into Hell and became the central force for evil on earth. Evil for man to prove himself against...

Most of what I have read on the subject says Lucifer was innately rebellious.

But, what if he wasn't? Here's the missing conversation (takes place before Lucifer's rebellion)
God: Lucifer, my best, most talented and trusted angel, I have a huge task for you.
Lucifer; Yes God whatever it is , how can I be of service?
G: Well, I've created this dualistic universe and I need a "god" to play the role of evil to my good.
L: Okay....(seeing where this is going)
G: This god will be reviled and feared and hated for all eternity. He will be separate and at odds with me. I need my best, most talented and trusted angel to do this. I am asking you.

Now this is where it gets a bit fuzzy. Lucifer agreed to do it...by starting the rebellion! His rebellion was not against God as such, it was against what God was asking him to do - what he was being banished to do. So, his "No I don't want to do that" became the basis of the energy that allowed him to be Satan.

AND, he ends up doing gods will anyway by "resisting/rebelling against" god's will.
How perfect is that?

But, it's all God's will, right, so there was really no choice involved.
I like to think the Intense Anger and Rebellion of Lucifer was fed by his unwillingness to play the role and this intense unwillingness became the basis for Satan's Evil and hatred and Rebellion.

Anyway, a different take on the story.

Death in the family

My biological father passed away this morning.
I senses it was coming from talking to him the last few days.
I notice a shakiness and jitteriness arising. Not sadness per se.
So, there is just noticing what is arising and sitting with it.
Feeling a heaviness and somber-soberness.
Not trying to label or judge.
No preference. No needing it to be this way or that.
No need to put it into bliss-bunny terms like love and light and such.
No need to make it right or ok or any of the other new age BS around make lemonade from lemons.
No suffering. No Guilt or Shame or Fear.
Just here, witnessing. That is all there is.

Newborn

E = How I was right after I was born/conceived...
In talking to my mom the other day and describing the complete de-socialization/deprogramming aspect of E, this is what she said.
Seemed pretty spot on.

Akin to Nizy's - what were you before you were born, I think.

Freedom Restricted

Lately noticing a sense of out-of-placeness/weirdness. Couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Not weirdness in being.

No, more weirdness in rubbing against the "constraints" of the Role being played.

Pure freedom - unbounded, unfettered, no preferences, no desires, begins to chafe (is a good word for it) against the inherent restrictions of the role. Since, the Role is a restriction by definition.

The role, the story, gets repeated, reinforced and rehearsed as we tell it to ourselves and others over and over and over. Who we are, what we are, how we should be, how the world, others and life should be.

We carry lots of things to remind us of the role - pictures, mementos, collectibles, memorabilia, each other.

So, as the repetition is dropped the constant replaying and rehearsing of who and what I am and should be drops away, there is a chafing - almost like being in a straightjacket

Without these reminders we would revert to our natural state w- clean, pure, no "shoulds" and roles and not much ahead of us more than what to do next.

Separate Sense of Self as Learned Behavior/MIndset

(Note: click on image to see larger version)
Playing with 3D stereograms reminds me that the process whereby I can "see" the 3D image "feels" very much like awakening did/does.

There is a sense or experience of allowing something to unfold, stopping resisting, letting it happen.

It cued me to think about maybe this whole "separate self-identification with body-mind" is a learned behavior. I almost certainly did not have this when I was born. No, I think this is taught and reinforced over and over and over again until a mental process or "overlay" as FMW calls it develops. Ego, in other words. The idea that I am the author of my thoughts and actions.

So, perhaps E is breaking free of this mental process. Perhaps trying to break free simply perpetuates it. Perhaps one, "by accident" happens onto the right combination of mental ...whatevers...to stop the process. Even for a moment.

I certainly don't know how or what I do to see the stereograms.

And yet I do.

And many don't

Society wants to you to be a Person, a self

Saw this billboard a while ago in downtown SF. Kinda sez it all.