Of Mice and Elephants

Walking the trail I noticed there were two mice, lying on the trail, one moving a bit and the other not moving till I touched it and then it moved just a little.

I thought they were both babies.

I didn't know what to do. There was nothing to be done.

As I started to move away I heard one squeaking.

As I walked away my heart got full and heavy.

I chose not to tell my wife who was a ways ahead of me and didn't see them.

The next day as we passed the spot I looked down and saw both mice were dead.

I walked a few more feet and started to cry. Stopped and doubled over and just cried dripping tears into the dust. I then told my wife what had happened. She had actually stepped on the body of the smaller mouse. We moved them off the trail.

Many years ago walking through North Beach with a friend, we were on the corner of Columbus and Broadway, in front of Carol Doda's old place, catty-corner to City Light books and Jack Kerouc Alley.

We looked down and saw a mouse, wounded, dying, as people hurried around and stepped over, around, almost directly on the mouse.

My friend went back and stepped on the mouse, squishing it, killing it, and then walked on.

She was sorely effected by that.

I was too. No words, no thoughts.

This thought came back after seeing the dead mice.

Maybe she related to the wounded mouse, with people scurrying by, paying no attention.

Knowing her history, this seemed to fit.

Years ago, trying to convey an aspect of the Immensity of the Vastness in a word I was completely unable to reduce the Immensity to a concept, let alone a word. The image of trying to stuff an Elephant into a Mouse suit came to me as an analogy.

Which led to this piece I wrote a few years ago:

Imagine an Elephant. A REALLY BIG Elephant.

And that Elephant is hanging out in the middle of nowhere by itself.

And, it is alone. There are no other Elephants – never were and never will be.

Now, that’s fine.

One day, the Elephant says – “Gee, I’d like some company. Gee, I’d like to play.”

So, it creates a bunch of teeny-tiny mouse suits.

And it, the REALLY BIG Elephant, tries to put on the mouse suit.

Now, obviously, this is a tight fit. To say the least.

The Elephant has to leave certain parts of itself out, because they just won’t fit.

And, it takes A LOT of mouse suits to hold even a little bit of the Elephant.

The Elephant imbues each mouse suit with the ability to “think” for itself – kinda like winding up a toy and letting it go.

It has to give the mice an illusion of free will or what’s the fun?

Plus emotions to make it all seem really real – danger is scary, love is dreamy, etc.

Then, the Elephant creates a HUGE playground for the mice.

And sets them loose.

Now, the Elephant (when in a mouse suit) can experience all the “reality” of being a mouse – hopes, fears, triumphs, pain, loss, gain, etc. that it can't experience being The Elephant.

Mice all have to die eventually or the place gets real crowded real fast.

And, the Elephant uses the death of a mouse as a way to end that particular “reality”/mouse-ness when it is done/bored/tired of it. On to the next. So birth is a way to get a bit of the Elephant into a new mouse suit (and new associated mouse-life).

Now, imagine that one day one of the mice “realizes” that she is, in fact an Elephant in a mouse suit.

Not just heard it from other mice, not just read about, not even “figured it out.”

But knew this to be true. In effect, the mice voluntarily gives up the “illusion” of being a separate mouse.

Now, this is very interesting.

On the one hand, she’s still got a mouse suit – and all that goes along with it.

But, she also knows, and will for the rest of her life (in that mouse suit) she is really an Elephant in a mouse suit.

Imagine how odd that would be.

Remember, all the other mice still think they are “real” and separate mice and the idea of Elephant is a belief sustained with faith.